Surprise Me

You were scheduled to be born on a Wednesday.

You surprised me by debuting on a Tuesday.

I thought you would be a dark-haired replica of your brother.

You surprised me, my little blondie.

I guessed that you would weigh much less than your brother's 10 lbs, 7 oz.

You surprised me by tipping the scales at 10.5.

I waited for your gaze to follow my finger.

You surprised me by staring right through me, into the distance.

I clapped loudly on your left side, waiting for you startle.

You surprised me by holding still, showing no response.

I willed you to hold your five month old head steady.

You surprised me by wobbling and slumping against my shoulder.

I sobbed at the thought of never seeing a smile cross your sweet face.

You surprised me with your first, long-awaited, gummy grin.

I expected you to have the same food allergies your brother does, or worse, different ones.

You surprised me by not having any at all. Huzzah! (...and thank you.)

I hopelessly wondered if you would ever be able to sit unassisted.

You surprised me by holding on to your music mirror until you were able to catch yourself as you fell.

I felt despair as you gagged and were unable to tolerate texture in your food, worrying that you might never put anything in your mouth that wasn't a spoon or a bottle.

You surprised me when you let us put that Club cracker on your tongue.

I struggled with the idea that you might not ever be independently mobile.

You surprised me by scooting across the room.

Then you surprised me by crawling.

And then you surprised me by crawling very well.

And later, you told that walker to bring it (well, not verbally, but...)!

I pleaded with my words, my heart, my eyes, and my prayers that you would speak to us. Any word. Anything.

You surprised me by shouting, "DOG!" and "GON-GON!"

I wondered if we would have to move from our home to accommodate your physical needs. (Read: Maybe that upstairs bedroom isn't such a good idea.)

You surprised me by climbing those stairs with ease. (The downstairs gate goes up tomorrow!)

I felt my heart break as you repeatedly pushed your brother away every time he wanted to hug you.

You both surprised me: John's patience and Ben's eventual warming. Best friends? Absolutely.

Benjamin, I still wonder what will happen, what you will be able to do, how you will change and grow. All mothers do this.

Will you ever have a verbal conversation with me?

Will you ever walk without assistance?

Will you be able to eat what the rest of us are eating?

Will you ever live independently?

Will you go to college or have a job?

Will you always be as sweet and determined as you are now?

Will you get married someday?

Will you be okay when the day comes that I'm not here?

This I know: You will surprise me.