I've been thinking quite a bit about gratitude. Gratitude is usually bursting at the seams for me, but sometimes it gets overshadowed by everything else that feels to be bursting at the seams. How I became so fortunate, I'll never know. I decided that I should share a teeny tiny fraction of the people that make me feel that way. There are so, so, so, so many more...so don't feel slighted if you aren't included. I either don't have a picture of you or I'm saving you for another time...but chances are that if you are reading, then I'm grateful for you, too!
I'm grateful that I have a mom who is great with my kids and likes to teach them about nature, and I love that John is just as fascinated as she is by all the different seeds and leaves and bugs that are just waiting outside! I'm also grateful that she always tells me that I'm going to be just fine, even when I know she'd probably like to have a good cry herself. (I don't have a picture of that.)
I'm blessed to have in-laws that make me so comfortable. I love all of them so much! I hope they all know that. I love having a special bond with Laurie, because I never had my own sister. I love how she loves my kids.
I love that I have this picture from John's 3rd birthday to remind me of how he sobbed and sobbed every time he heard Happy Birthday being sung until he turned four, and even then it was touch and go. I'm not sure I would have remembered that, and it is a precious little memory.
Oh goodness, I'm grateful for new(-ish) friends. I'm including in that group anyone I've met since our most recent move to NC. In the picture above and in the one below are a bunch of my favorite girls in the world. They support me, they make me laugh, they pour my wine, they help me more than they know, and I love them all. There are several not even pictured, and can you believe that these are all just my neighbors!? Lucky, lucky me...
I am lucky to have wonderful "old" friends - they are not old...none of us are! - the ones Landy and I have known since we've been together. The ones who stayed up late with me in the dorms and have been there for so many important events in our lives. The ones who don't mind if I put my bare feet on their sofa...
My husband. Do you know him? If you do, you might like him better than you like me...he's pretty wonderful! Let's just say I'm more grateful for him sharing this life with me than he knows, and I'm glad that we're muddling through and celebrating moments together.
Again with the old friends...they are never far from my mind!
And then there are friends you've known so long it seems like there was never any part of your life that existed without them. Just knowing that you have someone just a phone call away, and that phone call could come at 4 am and it would be alright. That's my girl, Noelle, and she's one of those kind of friends.
Before reading any further, please know that the following picture was taken in 1995. Proceed...
I'm thankful for my friend, Leigh. If you know her then I'm sure you are thankful for her too. She's pretty fantastic! You might not believe this, but the day - the VERY DAY after Ben's appointment with the geneticist, and there were failed attempts at drawing his blood, and there was no nap, and there was an older son picked up from school by another dear friend and also some much-needed wine waiting for me - this card arrived from sweet Leigh:
Inside it says, "Hope it's pie soon!" and a bunch of other stuff I can't tell you because I'll cry and don't feel much like crying right now. In hindsight, I shouldn't have read it before taking John to a birthday party full of new friends and moms I didn't know well. There was blubbering and there were incoherent attempts to make small talk. I thought that it was pretty amazing that on the day I needed it most, kindness came from a place I hadn't been looking.
HOW did she know??? Thanks, Leighbo... And I'm sorry for the time that I taped you and Wendy into your room. Oh, alright, I'm not sorry. That was funny.
I'm incredibly grateful for this little boy, John. I'm grateful for having a back I didn't know could feel that sore. I'm grateful that I nursed him for 16 months, because I always assumed that I'd have the chance to do that again but haven't yet. I'm grateful that, at 5 weeks old, he was fine when I fell asleep and dropped him out of my arms from the bed to the floor. I am grateful for quiet moments with him, watching him learn and do when he was very small. I'm grateful for all that time we "spent in Italy". And I'm grateful for all the extraordinarily loud moments we have now, although earplugs would be nice sometimes, thanks. I'll just nod and smile.
Not every moment is pull-your-hair-out crazy, mind you. One recent night, that little fella decided to clean the table and set it for supper before Daddy got home. I lit the candles and he set all the places. Ben isn't really at that stage yet, but it's all about presentation, you know!
Well, look at that. Yes, I know you probably can't read it...I'll decipher. On each napkin, John wrote, "I am thankful for God." If you just so happen to have ever enjoyed the funniest TV show ever, Arrested Development (only the cool kids liked it), then you might agree that it could possibly read, "I am thankful for GOB." Of course, if you watched AD, you also know that nobody would hold that sentiment, so it will just be our little joke. God it is. Does it warm your heart too?
I don't think I have to tell anyone how grateful I am for this kid. I would not dare lie and tell you that there is a day that goes by that I don't wish for a do-over, that I could start over with Ben and we could see who he was supposed to be. I think a lot of parents in a position similar to ours wouldn't admit it, but I bet they all feel it sometimes. I'll admit it. I'll admit anything... I'm a terrible liar. Then they might, as I do, take a moment and see that Ben is exactly who he is supposed to be. He is special and wonderful, and I am comforted with the gratitude I feel at being entrusted with his life.
